I haven’t cooked anything in a really (really really) long time. just been eating convenience/junk food. I think this means that I am depressed or in a rut. As a consequence, I am bored and FAT. I want to snap out of it so bad, but my house is a wreck and it is so cold all the time that I just hide under the covers and stare at my laptop, and the thought of leaving that warmth is simply unbearable. plus the dishes are out of control, way out of control, overwhelmingly out of control, worse than ever out of control (that is saying a lot). of course, this just perpetuates my new habit of not cooking. add to that a general sense of having nothing to work toward because school is finished forever and my life is at a stand-still, revolving around a daily (yes, daily) minimum wage food service job and the exhausted aftermath of not wanting to do anything. the result: me not doing anything.
so I need to do at least one of the following:
1. hire a maid.
2. throw all the dishes/pots/pans/tupperware away and buy new ones.
3. turn the heater on so I can stop hibernating and start cleaning.
4. wait for spring to get here.
maybe I have S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder)?
oh gosh, I totally do… I thought it was just my hormones going crazy, but I have been feeling like this for at least a month or two.
Symptoms, according to Google Health:
-Afternoon slumps with decreased energy and concentration
-Carbohydrate cravings
-Decreased interest in work or other activities
-Depression that starts in fall or winter
-Increased appetite with weight gain
-Increased sleep and excessive daytime sleepiness
-Lack of energy
-Slow, sluggish, lethargic movement
-Social withdrawal
I fit every single one except for the afternoon slumps and excessive daytime sleepiness - I am an insomniac, always have been, and I work the evening shift most days. so “daytime” for the rest of the world is more like “morning” to me… But the carb cravings, oh my gosh - today I had this terrible craving for an open-faced sandwich the weird Germans kept serving me on my study abroad a few years back: bread, butter, gouda cheese, and a few pickles (that was their attempt to feed a vegetarian). BUTTER. on a SANDWICH. Well, it grew on me in Germany. But here, I discovered at 1am after an emergency grocery store run, the butter isn’t that good and we keep it too cold to be spreadable, gouda cheese is too expensive but would have been the better choice since cheddar tastes really strange with butter, and our bread is so, so pathetically limp. then I got a stomach ache. probably because I put butter on a cheese sandwich. basically, it was a failure and I am still craving that butter sandwich I remember.
